I had a nice week and weekend with the golf group. The guys played in a three day tournament and the girls were invited to join them for dinner two evenings. It's a great group of people and we talked, laughed, ate, drank, and whiled away the hours sitting on the balcony of the country club. Since we're boomers, the guys sat at one table smoking their cigars and telling golf war stories, and the girls at another talking about our lives as empty nesters and retirees or semi-retirees.
So why am I feeling so down in the dumps today? I hate to even admit that I am down. I have so many things to be grateful for, but once in awhile I just can't help it. I've done a lot of thinking and I've decided I'm not so alone in feeling this way. I kind of got the feeling from some of the other girls that they feel a bit the same way.
I miss a lot. For some reason I'm really missing my dad today. And I miss my kids. They're all grown up and living their lives and I miss having them around. I miss taking them to their ball games and practices. I miss the noise in the house and the chaos. It's just too quiet around here. Even my dog is a senior and he sleeps most of the day. I miss the big family celebrations we used to have. Everyone crowded in together all talking at the same time.
I've thought about how it was to be a child without responsibilities and a senior without responsibilities. As a child, I didn't remember wanting anything more than to just be able to play with my friends, read my books, run around outside, and go to school when I had to. If I had free time, the more the better. I didn't long for anything else. As a senior, I have the freedom to play with my friends, read my books, walk around outside, and go to school at the senior center when I want to. But now I find all of this freedom sad at times. I suppose I should be enjoying it more, but at one time I was needed...a lot. Not so much anymore. But now that I know what it was like to be needed, I really miss it a lot.
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